Dreaming about girls, but I am straight…
September 12, 2016
I’m a girl, but I keep dreaming about a girl at my school. She's really pretty and I sometimes spy on her, but I’m straight. But when I dream about her, I dream that I talk to her and when I do I feel so happy. And I dream about her repeatedly. Why is that?
There’s a lot we don’t understand about dreams, whether that’s dreams about sexual feelings or romantic feelings or even other kinds of things, like dreams about traveling or flying or showing up late to school or work. Dreams operate in our unconscious experience which makes it challenging to understand how they intersect with our waking lives, if at all.
It sounds like your main confusion is why you, as a young woman, would be dreaming about another young woman when you otherwise feel that you’re heterosexual (straight). There are many possibilities. One possibility is that you are mostly attracted to boys but that there is something about this particular girl that you feel drawn to. You can identify as straight but still have feelings for this one girl. Then again, you might feel that attractions to both boys and this particular girl make you feel more comfortable identifying as bisexual. Or if at some point you notice that you only feel romantically or sexually attracted to girls, and not boys, you might identify as lesbian. You’re the only person who gets to decide how you identify your sexual orientation and it may even change from time to time throughout life. Some people identify the same way throughout life and other people use different words or labels to describe their sexual orientation or attractions over time.
Maybe you’re less concerned about your label and more wondering what this means about what to do. Just because you dream about someone doesn’t mean you have to act on your feelings, although it sounds like you already have some kind of interest in this girl in your waking life because you look at her often. Sometimes people are just in awe of other people’s beauty. Maybe you’re attracted to her, maybe you’re not. It’s okay to admire someone for their beauty or charisma or because of the feelings they awaken in you. The fact that you think about her often while awake may translate into frequent dreams about her and that’s okay. It sounds like you enjoy looking at her and your dreams bring you happiness. All of that is okay. If you’d like to learn more about women and sexual feelings and attractions, you might like reading the book Sexual Fluidity: Understanding Women’s Love and Desire by Lisa Diamond.
Kinsey Confidential is a collaboration of The Kinsey Institute and the IU School of Public Health. Dr. Debby Herbenick is an associate professor at Indiana University and author of six books about sex including “The Coregasm Workout” and “Sex Made Easy”. Find our blog and archived Q&A at KinseyConfidential.org. Follow Dr. Herbenick on Twitter @DebbyHerbenick and Kinsey Confidential at @KinseyCon.